Online Bullying

What is online bullying?

Online (‘cyber’) bullying is any bullying act which takes place via a digital device, e.g. cell phone, computer, via the internet or phone network. The term includes bullying on:

Social media sites, e.g. Facebook, Twitter
Internet chat rooms
Email
Text messaging
Gaming with shared content/messages
Shared Cloud services, e.g. Teams
SMS (Short Message Services), e.g. Snapchat

What causes online bullying?

Similarly to other kinds of bullying, there are many reasons why a person might bully online. However, this medium offers specific ‘advantages’ to people wishing to behave badly.

Online worlds are remote and somewhat abstract, which leads some to believe they can say things that they might not in person. These media also offer access, sometimes en masse, to people who might not otherwise be available, e.g. public figures and groups. In some cases, those who make a habit of acting negatively online (‘trolls’) use this increased access to express oppositional views or engage in targeted discrimination. Security settings and access procedures on many sites are constantly updated for this very reason.

Use security measures

Online media reach deeply into our professional and personal lives, which means escaping them completely can be tricky. This ‘reach’ is often implicated by those seeking work-life balance in our rapidly progressing & technological world.

It is in your interest to proactively seek out and activate security measures – ‘over protection’ is not usually an issue. Get assistance with this if you need.

If you have concerns, or have been bullied in the past, opt for the more extreme measures, e.g. on Facebook, choose options which ensure very little information is visible in the public space. Other options add further protection:

identifying yourself by a pseudonym
using a generic profile picture
limiting the scope of anything you post, especially photographs and personal details about yourself/family
use a password generator, such as: https://xkpasswd.net/s/

What does online bullying look like?

Online bullying can include:

Comment or threat classed as bullying or harassment across other media
Wilful, repeated following, watching or harassing a person over a period of time – ‘stalking’
Making false claims about you
Being grossly offensive, indecent or obscene
Spreading rumours or defamatory comments
Sharing sensitive or personal information, or recorded media without consent, e.g. video
Sharing information/material given in confidence
Encouraging someone to harm you, e.g. by sending messages
Encouraging suicide or self-harm
Denigrating you on the basis of personal characteristics, e.g. ethnicity or impairment
Disseminating offensive or pornographic material

Further information at:
https://communitylaw.org.nz/community-law-manual/chapter-28-harassment-and-bullying/cyberbullying-protections-against-online-digital-harassment/

Who is at risk from online bullying?

Tweens and teenagers are at risk of online bullying because of their prevalent use of technology, failure to understand the reach and nature of electronic media, vulnerability, adult predators, and coping skills which are still formative. However, online bullying happens across all age groups and even seasoned users can suffer from it, and struggle to find appropriate management skills

Did you know?

Teachers can fall victim to online bullying where their students writing a bad/untrue review (e.g. on a school Facebook page) or spread rumours about them.

Feelings about online bullying

Like any other kind of bullying, that happening online can make a person, angry and upset. It can also be confusing at first, and set someone into a state of ‘fight or flight’ anxiety.

Because online bullying can be intrusive, feelings and effects can be extremely marked. If in doubt, seek medical support as soon as you can.

What can we do about online bullying in the short term?

The same provisos described in the first pages here, apply to online bullying. Here is a step by step guide:

Get off the media (difficult when media might also offer mechanisms of support – arrange alternatives if need be, e.g. phone a friend rather than using Messenger)
Tell a trusted friend what has happened
If necessary, give your phone/laptop to the friend as ‘incoming messages’ may trigger anxiety
Take charge of your media – or, if this is likely to make you anxious, get the trusted friend to do it for you
Block access if you can, change passwords if you have been hacked. Delete relevant contacts from social media and use the reporting tools available to you on all media/devices.
Do not delete messages (may be needed for evidence later) – if possible get someone to take screenshots for evidence and then hide comments (etc.) so they do not trigger you.
If a threat has been made, get to a place of mental and physical safety, call a trusted friend and the Police.
After the event – think about whether you need to report this incident - to your institution if on email, to social media companies if bullying happens on here, to phone companies if by text. They can help you check on your security measures but are also able to monitor the situation, and plan for future incidents.

***Trigger warning – fictional examples of Online BUllying below***

The IFFy Method © - Online Bullying
Copywright to WoRD LtD. Publication also in press.

If you can, try this method out in a pair or at a group meeting – it’s good to hear other ways to say things.

ONLY if you feel safe and skilled enough, or that the situation is more handleable, the IFFy method can help you effectively respond to a perpetrator or to help a victim.

The IFFy method has three main aims. To:

help the victim
avoid creating conflict
assist the perpetrator in reflecting on their behaviour

This method can feel counterintuitive – as our gut usually tells us to respond a lot more harshly. However, with skill and practice it is possible to use this method to defuse some situations and help you feel you did something useful. The method sits in a ‘space’ between assertiveness and conflict resolution.

It is important to practice this method (say, with a flatmate, colleague or at a team meeting) and hear others use it, and tell you how your words sound to them – and whether you are striking the right tone. Practicing the tool assists us to develop a ‘habit’ of talking this way, and easily recall it under stress.

IFFY = a mnemonic in which each letter stands for part of a sentence.
I = Indirect approach at the outset
F = Focus on you/the group/victim (NOT the perp)
F = Focus on what you would like to achieve (positive, NOT focused on what the perp has done)

Example Scenario 1: Facebook
Example Scenario 2: Twitter
Example Scenario 3: Nudes

Someone repeatedly comments on a friend’s Facebook post ‘you’re pathetic, just asking for attention.’

What might you say?
Opting to say nothing may be a wise option.
IFFy might be useful – ‘Right, thank you for that feedback, having a bad day.’

What are your aims in saying this?
To avoid any further conflict or adverse comments, encourage the person to reflect

What else should you do?
Let your friend know that you are there
Block the person from friend's profile (etc)
Check friend's security settings
Advise your friend to stay off social media for a while, and check their site before they get back on it
Help your friend to report the person to Facebook if needs be.

In an online discussion, a person disagrees with you, and is aggressive in doing so. This person also messages you privately to tell you how stupid you are, and that you are a failure.

What might you say?
Saying nothing is always an option
‘I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm happy with the discussion so far.’ (and then leave it there! Don’t get hooked into saying more)

What are your aims in saying this?
To answer the comment without creating further conflict

What should you do?
Let a friend know what happened
Block the person from your profile (etc)
Check security settings
Stay off social media for a while, and get a friend to check your site before you get back on it
Report the person to Facebook if needs be.

You have received an email from an old flame in which they threaten to post intimate photos of you on social media, unless you give them some money.

What should you say?
Nothing is the best option here. Don’t let the person know that you have received the email.

What should you do?
Tell a friend immediately
Get that friend to contact IT at your institution (if institution email address) and ask then to block emails from this person.
Check all security settings and updates
Keep a copy of the email (ask friend to keep it, perhaps)
If this person gets back in touch via another means, contact the police. Threatening a person in such a way is against the law, as is the threat of further online bullying.
Get your friend to check your emails for a few days in case the person gets in touch via another name/contact

What to do about cyber bullying in the long term?

Stay in touch with security settings and reporting procedures on all media platforms. Those annoying ‘updates’ for apps and software often have a security focus. Don’t ignore them, perhaps click ‘go ahead’ when plugging your phone or laptop in to charge overnight, one specific day a week.
Always question (and DON’T click on links) odd arrivals in your inbox or messaging apps (e.g. ‘I can’t believe this is you on this video!!!’). If they look odd, they probably are. If they look like they are trying to grab your attention, they are doing so for a reason.
Don’t accept contacts or requests on social media unless you are absolutely sure who it is. If in doubt, contact the person first.
Use your IT support. These departments keep a good eye on phishing or deleterious emails and can also block contacts from emailing you if needs be.
Pay attention to your institution’s regular emails about phishing or hacking (becoming a specific problem now with increased Zoom use).
Use a password for Zoom.